Now where’s your picket fence, Love?

September 11th, 2009

Life is a series of ups and downs, but that emotional roller coaster is still far better than feeling like you’ve flat lined.  At least that’s what I keep telling myself.  Every single freaking time I feel like I finally have something figured out, and I’m headed in the right direction, the universe doubles over in sarcastic cosmic laughter.

Life in Georgia has been filled with packing and unpacking issues, new school drama, and learning to live near my inlaws.  I thought it would be easier than this because I truly love his family.  I’m trying to remember the biggest reason we made this move was because his parents needed us.  Just that fact in itself should have warned me it wouldn’t be easy.  Especially since the needs aren’t something sterile like financial need.  They aren’t well, and some of the people in their lives are taking advantage of their sweet nature and giant hearts.  Someone had to step in, and the husband decided that it should be us.  Yay me.

Would you like me to tell you how moving down here to support and befriend my upper class extremely conservative mother-in-law has changed my life?  Sure you would.  My days are filled with helping to host prayer luncheons and attending ladies’ teas and such.  I’m the grade parent for IzzyB’s class, and the parent the middle school thinks will attend every field trip with the thirteen year old. 

Translation:  I’m walking around this town looking and feeling like I have a stick shoved so far up my ass it’s gonna cause brain damage.  I didn’t even realize it had happened to me until a couple evenings ago when my new “best friend” called to let me know she’d volunteered me to buy a booth some kind of craft fair for her church!  HER CHURCH!  I don’t even attend her church!  Not to mention, now that my days are consumed by playing the role of Betsy Blue Blood, how the hell am I supposed to have time to knit something to sell at a freaking craft fair?!  I vaguely remember spitting out something along the lines of, “Get me all the specific information and get back to me because I won’t commit to something I’m not sure I can follow through with… blah blah blah….”  I’m not doing it.  Screw that.

I’m so tired I went to bed at 8:30pm last night.  Do you have any idea what it means for me to be in bed at 8:30pm?!  The world might possibly be ending.  Tribulation, apocalypse, armageddon, or whatever you wanta call it, be prepared.

I’m trying to behave and let everyone have their fun introducing me into this alternate universe I’ve found myself in, but I’m not sure how much longer I can pretend to be normal.  Every time I catch myself daydreaming about punching some blue haired know-it-all in the face, I remind myself I’ve taken on this role to help.  I just have to find a way to gradually ease my mother-in-law out of all her obligations so that she doesn’t feel like she’s getting too old and frail to keep going like this.  Oh wait… she IS!  Yeah she is, but I don’t have to make her feel it just yet.  This lifestyle is very important to her, and she deserves to be happy right now, even if it all makes me want to jump off the roof.  And there are days when I really really want to jump off this roof.

But not right now.  Right now I have to go hand feed the dog and give him is morning insulin shot.

Oh god I’ve died and gone to hell…

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Georgia on my Mind

July 25th, 2009

I’ve been putting off saying this out loud, even typing it out here because I still can’t believe it’s happening.  However, belief in something, or lack thereof, doesn’t stop things from happening and life from moving forward in the direction it wants to go.  I’m not going to go into specifics because I’m not sure my husband would appreciate it.  Even though he’ll more than likely never read this post, I respect him enough not to tell all our secrets here.  After some very careful planning, hours and hours and days and days of thinking and crying and praying and weighing every single scenario and option, we’ve decided that, for the time being, anyway, we’re moving.

On the surface, even without knowing the main issues, some people wonder why we haven’t done it before now.  His family lives in Georgia, and I think he’s been homesick for years living up here without them.  Neither of his parents are well, both having been fighting different types of cancer for a while now, and they need us closer.  Even though the children have my family up here close to us, it isn’t the same considering no one in my family ever comes around unless they need me for something.  They never attend any school function in support of the kids.  It isn’t completely their fault, they have very hectic stressful lives.  But his family, his parents will make the children a priority.  As long as they’re physically able, they’ll attend every ballgame, every play, every awards ceremony.  The kids need that.

Even with those reasons, it’s breaking my heart to go.  Mostly because now who will care for my grandmother?  Part of me is freaking out about it while the other part thinks that now the rest of the family will have to step up and take some responsibility.  My younger sister has already committed to making sure our grandmother gets to her next doctor’s appointment.  Where was she when I would have loved someone to volunteer to take an appointment here and there?!  Just an occasional break would have been so nice, ya know?

And on a more selfish side, my house…  If you followed me on the old blog, you know how much I love this old house.  Honestly, after living all over the world, it’s the first place I’ve felt at home since leaving my parents’ house at seventeen.  What will we do with the house?  And will I ever feel this way again somewhere new?  This area doesn’t hold anything for me.  It never has.  I don’t really have friends here.  I’m not really involved in anything in the community other than at the kids’ schools.  If I could pick up this house and move it, I could live and be happy anywhere in the world.  That may not speak very well of me, but it’s true.  It’s not even a fancy place.  It’s almost a century old!  But it’s me in every way.

In my mind I know that with every sacrifice comes opportunity, and I know I’ll get over losing this house if I say goodbye to it permanently.  I know myself well enough to realize that if life sees fit, I’ll find my place down there, and I’ll carve it out to fit me perfectly.  However, my heart is screaming how many more times can it take this?!

Don’t think this changes my plan to open my shop.  Actually, if I plan it just right, this moves it along way faster.  I’ll have a better opportunity of opening it months faster than previously expected.  I just can’t think about it right now, though.  I need to get through the next couple of weeks first.

I’m going down today to get settled because I have to register the kids for school next week.  Then it’s a mad dash to get everything they need and have them on schedule before classes begin on August 3rd.  There really isn’t much else to say at this point other than, look out north Georgia, here we come!

Oh, and I am not a Bulldog fan.  I will forever and always bleed UK blue!  Deal with it.

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